I See You

Stacy Modisette
May 11, 2023
5 min read

Updated: Jun 7, 2023

I See You

What do you see in me, I am asked. I am chaos at its best. I am angry, I am hurt, and I am broken inside. Bad things seem to follow me at every turn. I feel I can do nothing right. No one wants me around, I lose everyone. I have looked for love my entire life and never seemed to find it. People always leave me. “So, tell me”, “Miss Therapist”, “What do you see? What is wrong with me?”

I see a child that has reached out for help from a very young age. I see a child that has sought love their entire life in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways. I see a child that feels the pains of abandonment, of loss, of fear. I see a child that wanted nothing more than to be more and be the light in someone’s eyes. I see a child that has grown into an adult with these same fears. I see a child that, at times, brings chaos and abandonment into their own life because as they themselves create the abandonment, they cannot be surprised when it comes later as suspected. I see a child in an adult body who creates drama to fill a need and desire to have someone pay attention and look at them as if they are someone special, and potentially love them, even for a moment. It is more than they had before. I see a grown child that still feels the fear of abandonment, just as they did as a small child laying in bed awake, in tears, reaching out for help, crying themselves to sleep, wanting to be loved and accepted and not getting what they needed.

You do not see the beauty and wonderment of who you are. You do not see the potential you have in life. You know deep down in your soul, you have much to offer, much love to give. You do not understand that you can have all that you desire, true love, freedom, true joy, the person you want to be. Your true self. You are just around the corner. There are only a few adjustments you must first make to have all that you desire.

Maybe you’re too afraid of letting go of the control you now have. The control of making sure you feel the pain of abandonment because you think you are controlling your own fears. Maybe you are addicted to the chemical release of adrenalin when you create drama in your life. Maybe you are addicted to that fleeting moment when people listen to your lies and conspiring thoughts. Maybe you feel important too much for that passing moment of chaos you have created. Even though you know, that feeling too shall pass and you will have to create another and another and another to get that “high” back again. Even when it comes with a price of very low. Even if later, it will cause a feeling of depression and sadness. Even if it is for just a short time, you feel in control, happy, and important. But, deep down you know it is all just a lie, a lit to others and to yourself.

You fear giving that love because you fear that the moment you do, this person, or that person too shall abandon you. This fear may be so deeply embedded in you that you even fear giving all your love to your own child. You are afraid that if you love that child as much as you desire to give and love, one day, this child may abandon you as well and you will be left with that empty dark heart-wrenching pain of abandonment once again.

Therefore, it is much easier to create chaos in your life and control abandonment before it surprises you. The drama and chaos you create are your own, even if you think no one can surprise you by leaving you or hurting you if you are the one in control of the leaving, whether you leave them first or you create problems to cause another to leave. This way, when they do leave and abandon you, you can say, “See, I told you, everyone leaves at some point, no one can be truly trusted. I was right all along.”

I see you; I am sorry, deeply sorry that as a child you experienced the pain of abandonment. I have compassion for you, but you do not have to carry this pain and anguish through your life. You do not have to create the chaos that surrounds you, you do not have to push people away from you, nor do you have to sit patiently and wait for them to hurt you or leave you.

You can change the outcome of your future and have a happier, healthier life. So, you have a bad past, it doesn’t have to be your future. If you have become addicted to the pain and anguish as some people do, you can also become addicted to joy and love as well. Deep down, you want to give more, love more, and be more. Unfortunately, fear keeps you from doing any of those things.

First, you must forgive yourself for hurting yourself. Yes, forgive yourself. Accept the responsibility you have caused for many of the outcomes you have endured. Understand that every action has a reaction. Best of all, understand that you too can have a better, happier life, free of chaos, free of drama, free of lies, and free of a lot of things. This does not mean that pain will never happen in your life, this does not mean that bad will ever happen again. It just means that you will have ways of coping and dealing with these things in a healthier way. It means that you don’t always have to live a life of loss and fear. You can learn to make some changes and create a happier life for yourself.

If you feel I am speaking to you, then I probably am. Because some part of you feels a truth in what has been said here today. If you are seeking help, Altura is here to help you. All you have to do is ask, all you have to do is want to make a change. I cannot help anyone that does not wish to be helped and does not want to make changes. I cannot help anyone; they must help themselves and be willing to do the work.

Just as an FYI, the work is pretty easy and fun too. 😊 Not to mention fulfilling, relaxing, and oh-so peaceful. Who knows what you’ll learn, about yourself, your strengths, and much more.

Take a journey into self-discovery with Altura. Learn how to live a healthier happier life and discover healthy natural ways to relieve anxiety, depression, and everyday stresses using Alturistic techniques with Stacy Modisette A.P.