Pretending

Everyone pretends from time to time. It can be fun; however, it can also be destructive, not only to other people but to ourselves.

For example, we dress up for Halloween, we pretend to be something we are not and then we go home and we take off the make-up and go back to our normal daily lives.

For Christmas, often parents either take their children to have their picture taken with Santa clause or they themselves dress -up as Santa. It's fun for everyone... Usually, LOL

We dress up as the Easter Bunny, we even take our kids to theme parks and see all the people there dressed up in different costumes, several events throughout the world depict people pretending and dressing up in their favorite characters suits. My daughter is one of those people. I often come home to find her in a costume of her favorite character, bunny ears, tail, and sometimes make-up. She loves to pretend to be her favorite character.

These are the good times, the love, the laughter, joy and all those fun memories.

Unfortunately, there is a dark side to pretending too. Some people pretend to be something they are not and all they do is put on a happy face, give a fake laugh, a fake hug, a fake conversation, pick up a Bible, pretend to pray, walk into a church, etc.

People with depression often hide the pain they feel with a fake smile. All the while they hurt deep down inside. Others pretend to be good on the day of church and in the church and come home to return to be the true person they are. They hide the alcohol, the drugs, and whatever when the preacher and his wife or others from the church come for a visit. This behavior is no different than dressing up, just without the costume. It serves the same purpose, we pretend to be something we are not, we try to make others think we are the actual characters we play. On soap operas, one of my favorite sayings was, "I only play a doctor on TV". All too often we see these characters on tv so often we begin to believe these people are actually as the people they portray on the screen, without ever thinking they are just playing a part. That's not how they are at home or on a daily basis. Some actors are so good and loveable and in reality, they are treating the other actors and people they work with very disrespectfully. Other times, some actors are hated on the screen and loved off screen.

The point here is that people can pretend all day every day, at the end of the day, their true colors (who they truly are) or how they truly feel, will always come shining through at some point. Take depression for example. Depression can be seen at home as anger, crying, sleeping more than usual, increased or decreased food intake, alcohol, drugs, etc. How people "deal" with their depression can come out in many different forms at home. In fact, some people may even "get away" by focusing all their time reading, playing games, even cooking excessively, the signs and the forms people use to "get away" can be numerous. Anything that is in excess to remove themselves from dealing with a problem can be used to "help" them deal with their problems and depression. Speaking with a qualified therapist may help them discover what the root cause of their depression is and find healthy ways to deal with the actual problem to help that person resolve the problem at hand and relieve the depression they have been going through.

Now, on the other hand, as we speak of those that would be considered hypocrites, these are the people we may see in church on Sunday, reading their Bibles and telling everyone they are a Christian woman or man and trying to convince as many people as they can they are good people. However, on further examination what you find is that once out of church they are in fact speaking ill of others, gossiping, making fun of others, conniving to do harm to others, lying, etc. All the things they tell others are wrong to do, they themselves are doing behind closed doors. You can't always trust what you are told or what you see or hear. As the Edgar Allan Poe saying goes, "Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear". This also reminds me of another saying I hold dear and speak of often, "Birds of a feather will flock together".

All too often we find that when one recognizes one person's actions, we find that the people they keep company with or the people that flock to them are acting and speaking in the same manner too. Be mindful of the company that you keep.

TAKE AWAY

These are only two examples of the ways people pretend on a daily basis. There are several ways people pretend, several reasons why they pretend, and several ways to resolve the issues. The bottom line here is that we need to recognize this pattern of behavior within ourselves or in others and help those in need. Consistent pretending is an unhealthy defense mechanism. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you must pretend all the time for one reason or another and you feel you wish to resolve this issue, contact a therapist and discuss these issues and relieve yourself of the stress and anguish pretending is causing you. You can learn to love life as the person you are, let go of the past that is causing the pretending and live a full and happy life.