The Different Types Of Narcissistic Behavior And How To Respond To Them

Updated 1-9-2023 by Altura Natural living & Wellness Center

Common Characteristics of narcissism include a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a need for control. Knowing how to respond to these people can be challenging. If someone in your life displays narcissistic qualities, diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or not, you can learn to take steps to respond to them and protect yourself.

Narcissism Vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder

First, let's explain that there is a difference between narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Someone with the personality trait will occasionally show signs of these tendencies. However, a person with NPD has a clinical mental health condition that can affect their daily functioning. Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder may show some or all of the symptoms listed below.

• An exaggerated sense of self-importance

• A pervasive sense of arrogance

• A need for excessive admiration

• Not hesitating to take advantage of people to get what they want

• Dreams of being dominant over or better than others

• A sense of entitlement

• Failing to understand or consider the needs or emotions of others

• Feelings of superiority

Only a mental health professional can diagnose someone with NPD. However, there are a few signs you might be able to spot that could indicate a person has narcissistic tendencies.

The person may have the ability to take accountability for their actions and cultivate loving relationships. Someone with clinical NPD will typically show symptoms more often than not, and it will be pervasive over time. Someone with narcissistic personality traits may show symptoms in some situations or at some times, but not at all in others. There is typically a high need for control over situations and/or another person or another’s decisions.

Types Of Narcissism

The most recent research classifies narcissism into two types: grandiose and vulnerable. It is important to recognize that there are common traits among both types. These traits include a sense of entitlement, a disregard for the feelings and needs of others, and a sense of self-centeredness.

Grandiose Narcissism

Grandiose narcissists tend to have an inflated self-image and higher than normal self-esteem. They often feel a deep need to be admired, and their sense of entitlement leads them to expect it. They may have no trouble exploiting others to get what they want or need. Although they may appear to have an inflated self-image and higher than normal self-esteem, the underlying issue is most likely a true low self-esteem being covered up by the show of high self-esteem. They also have a tendency to break down others to build themselves up or prove that they are better than the other person. They show no signs of empathy when it comes to getting what they want. In other words, they don’t seem to care how much pain or anguish they cause another when they don’t get their way..

Vulnerable Narcissism

Vulnerable narcissism manifests very differently. The vulnerable narcissist is very insecure, defensive, and hypersensitive. Vulnerable narcissists have low self-esteem. This can result in avoidance or anger and hostility. This person may lash out at others or sneak around and do things to cause another pain. They are typically unable to accept being told no or accept that they are wrong in any way. They may avoid conversations out of the fear of being seen as wrong.

Responding To A Narcissist

Firstly, if you’re experiencing any type of abuse, you have the right to defend yourself by leaving the relationship and/or seeking help.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse of any kind, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Set Boundaries

Be aware that someone with narcissistic tendencies or NPD will have a tendency to put themselves first and prioritize their needs over yours. They seem to not even care about what you need or want. You must set boundaries to defend yourself and your needs.

Take time out for yourself. Remove yourself from the person or situation and sit alone for a bit. Meditate, breathe, go for a walk, even a long bathroom break can be helpful in a situation when you can find no space of your own. Do this on a regular basis, and carve out a set time for yourself if you can. For example, set aside a specific time to go for walks, exercise, craft, read, meditate, or whatever form of “me time” you have chosen. Secondly, you can attempt to ask the person to please not push back when you say no to something, or they attempt to prevent you from taking your time alone. Be prepared for them to try and change your mind or convince you that the lines you’re drawing are unreasonable, and do your best to stand firm.

Do NOT Accept or Allow Negativity

A person exhibiting narcissistic traits may blame you for their own actions or project their insecurities on you. They have a tendency to blame others when things don’t go their way. Don’t be surprised if they attempt to blame you or tell you that you are being unreasonable. They will try to manipulate you or make you feel that you are in the wrong for taking care of yourself and/or your needs rather than doing what they want you to do. By anticipating these possibilities, you can be prepared to ignore them, let them roll off your back and most importantly, not internalizing them.

Don’t Take It Personally

Remember, people with the clinical condition of NPD have a mental health disorder that they have no control over. They will most likely resist any idea or suggestion of seeking help. Remember, they do not believe there is anything wrong with them or that they are doing anything wrong. This can mean that their behaviors may not change. While some of their actions may feel like a personal attack on you or a criticism of you, they may not be. On the other hand, in some cases they may be exactly that. They may intentionally want to harm you in order to regain control over you or a situation to get what they want. Remembering that it’s the condition talking and continuing to take measures to defending yourself will generally be key. Again, remember that if you’re experiencing abuse, and they are purposely attacking you for their gain, you have the right to exit the situation or relationship.

Cultivate Healthy Self-Esteem

Dealing with a narcissistic person on a regular basis can take a toll on you. They might wear you down in order to build themselves up, and constant criticism or pushback on your boundaries can cause you to doubt yourself. Working to build your own sense of confidence and self-worth can help you defend your mental health. A healthy sense of self-esteem correlates with “success and well-being in life domains such as relationships, work, and health”, so the benefits can be far-reaching. Some ways to work on building self-esteem include doing mindfulness meditation, saying daily affirmations, setting and reaching achievable goals, and starting therapy.

Connect With A Therapist

Working with a therapist can be a helpful tool for those who regularly interact with someone who exhibits narcissistic behaviors. They can provide a neutral, third-party perspective, help you build your self-esteem and communication skills, and assist you in setting boundaries to keep yourself safe and healthy. If you prefer to access this kind of treatment from the comfort of your own home, consider an online therapy platform like Altura Natural Living Health & Wellness Center. Since research suggests that virtual therapy offers similar benefits to in-person sessions, this format is a viable option for those who prefer it for comfort, accessibility, or cost-effectiveness.

Takeaway

Having a person in your life who exhibits narcissistic behaviors—whether it’s a personality trait or a clinical disorder—can be challenging. The tips in this article can help you preserve your own energy and mental health when interacting with them.